A Rabbi from Missippi

Just plain good old jokes...

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Pastor Donvan

A Rabbi from Missippi

Post by Pastor Donvan »

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's, one of the largest department store chains. He shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife."

"What type of bra?" asked the clerk.

"Type?" inquires the man, "There is more than one type?"

"Look Around," said the saleslady, as she showed him a sea of bras in every shape, size color and material. Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only three types of bras," replied the salesclerk.

Confused, the man asked what were the types.

The saleslady replied, "The Catholic type, the Salvation Army type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?"

Still confused the man asked, "What is the difference between them?"

The lady responded, "It is all really quite simple. The Catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills."
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Rabbi in a Small Town
There was this rabbi in a small town, and he was really curious about why so many people ate pork. He really wanted to try some, but there was no where in town he could go and not be seen. One weekend, he made an excuse and traveled to a distant town, went into a restaurant, and ordered the first pork item on the menu. While he's waiting for his order of pork, the president of his congregation walks in. He sees the rabbi and asks if he could join him for dinner, and the rabbi has no choice but to agree.
A while later, the waiter returns with the rabbi's meal. He takes the cover off the large platter, and there is a whole roast pig, with an apple in its mouth.

The congregation president is more than a little shocked.

"What a fancy place," explains the rabbi quickly. "Just look at how they serve the apple I ordered."
Joyb

Baptism

Post by Joyb »

A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday
afternoon down by the river.

He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to
the preacher. The minister turns and notices the old drunk
and says, "Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?"

The drunk looks back and says, "Yes, Preacher, I sure am."

The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls
him right back up. "Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asked.

"Nooo, I didn't!" said the drunk.

The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer,
brings him up and says, "Now, brother, have you found Jesus?"

"Noooo, I have not, Reverend."

The preacher in disgust holds the man under for at least 30
seconds this time, brings him out of the water and says in a
harsh tone, "My God, man, have you found Jesus yet?"

The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher, "Are
you sure this is where he fell in?"
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