Subject: Engineering Exam
We are sick and tired of hearing redneck jokes about people in the South.
We are actually extremely smart and challenge any so-called smart Yankee to take this exam administered by the University of Georgia EngineeringDepartment:
1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10-pound possum.
2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard? A '65 Ford Fairlane, a '69 Chevrolet Chevelle or a '64 Pontiac GTO.
3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product?
4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The densityof the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down?
5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the percentage decrease in the ozone layer?
6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?
7. A man owns a Tennessee house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow withan average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front?
8. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler?
9. A coal mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of the 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift?
10. At a reduction in the gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the Interstate to breed a country-western singer?
Now you smartelec yankees, figur them there out... if you uns can! Dumb yankee...You'd mess up a soup samich!
Engineering Exam
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Red Stater...
oh no, a Red Stater...HeHah...
Fall River?
Fall River...As in Massachusetts? You don't even miss the Cape?
Actually it is rather cold up here...Looking maybe to New Mexico.
Die Hard Massachusetts Liberal
Actually it is rather cold up here...Looking maybe to New Mexico.
Die Hard Massachusetts Liberal
- Antler
- Compulsive poster:)
- Posts: 90
- Joined: Sat May 29, 2004 2:57 am
- Location: Somewhere between the RJAA and EHAM airports
The cape and clam bakes (New Bedford, Falmoth) were fun along with the one week of summer in late August. Also, I do miss the sailing down around Newport (I was a member of the Navy yaght club) and walking around the commons in the summer. Leagals' chowder is the best in the world and the fish is always good at the Charthouse.
What I don't miss is the taxes, the the weather (every third day snow) and the traffic.
I like the warm weather and barbq these days so I don't think about Mass much. (I still get up there several times a year)
Cheers!
Ps. New Mexico is very cool. Especially up between Chama and Pagosa Springs. If my wife could take the altitude I would retire there.
What I don't miss is the taxes, the the weather (every third day snow) and the traffic.
I like the warm weather and barbq these days so I don't think about Mass much. (I still get up there several times a year)
Cheers!
Ps. New Mexico is very cool. Especially up between Chama and Pagosa Springs. If my wife could take the altitude I would retire there.
- Antler
- Compulsive poster:)
- Posts: 90
- Joined: Sat May 29, 2004 2:57 am
- Location: Somewhere between the RJAA and EHAM airports
A Few Engineering Translations
Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi
2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won Ton
1 millionth of a mouthwash:
1 microscope
Time between slipping on a peel & smacking the pavement:
1 bananosecond
Weight an evangelist carries with God:
1 billigram
Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour: Knot-furlong
365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because its less filling:
1 Lite year
16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone:
1 Rod Serling
Half of a large intestine:
1 semicolon
Shortest distance between two jokes: A straight line
453.6 graham crackers:
1 pound cake
Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi
2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won Ton
1 millionth of a mouthwash:
1 microscope
Time between slipping on a peel & smacking the pavement:
1 bananosecond
Weight an evangelist carries with God:
1 billigram
Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour: Knot-furlong
365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because its less filling:
1 Lite year
16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone:
1 Rod Serling
Half of a large intestine:
1 semicolon
Shortest distance between two jokes: A straight line
453.6 graham crackers:
1 pound cake