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Feel free to post jokes for our mutual enjoyment!
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Post Feel free to post jokes for our mutual enjoyment! Reply with quote
Feel free to post jokes for our mutual enjoyment!

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Tue Sep 07, 2004 2:27 pm View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
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Joined: 18 Sep 2004
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Post INDIAN JOKES Reply with quote
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A few years back, when I was working with wolves, we had a Mohave/Apache boy working with me. Every time, something need to be repaired or a new project was under way, we would call him in to get his ideas. Then when the project was done, it ended-up the way he suggested and most of the time better than originally planned, by the rest of us.

We would give him, a compliment for get it completed, working properly and looking good. Most of the time he would mumble under his breath, engine-new-it--t. Finally, one day I asked, what he meant and why he always mumbled, under his breath.

This Injun knows what he was doing. What about you?

True Story
====================================

Indian and Genie

An Indian man has spent many days crossing Montana without water.

His horse dies of thirst. He's crawling through the grass, certain that he has breathed his last, when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the ground several yards ahead of him.

He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the dirt, and discovers what looks be an old brief case. He opens it and out pops a genie....

But this is no ordinary genie. He is wearing a Bureau of Indian Affairs badge and dull grey suit. There's
a calculator in his pocket. He has a pencil tucked behind one ear. "Well, kid," says the genie. "You know how it works. You have three wishes."

"I'm not falling for this." says the man. "I'm not going to trust a B.I.A. employee."

"What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and It looks like you're a goner anyway!"

The man thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right.

"OK, I wish I were on a lush reservation with plentiful food and drink."

***POOF***
================================
What do you hear?

A Native American and his friend were in downtown New York City, walking near Times Square in Manhattan. It was during the noon lunch hour and the streets were filled with people. Cars were honking their horns, taxicabs were squealing around corners, sirens were wailing, and the sounds of the city were almost deafening. Suddenly, the Native American said, "I hear a cricket."

His friend said, "What? You must be crazy. You couldn't possibly hear a cricket in all of this noise!"

"No, I'm sure of it," the Native American said, "I heard a cricket."

"That's crazy," said the friend.

The Native American listened carefully for a moment, and then walked across the street to a big cement planter where some shrubs were growing. He looked into the bushes, beneath the branches, and sure enough, he located a small cricket. His friend was utterly amazed.

"That's incredible," said his friend. "You must have super-human ears!"

"No," said the Native American. "My ears are no different from yours. It all depends on what you're listening for."

"But that can't be!" said the friend. "I could never hear a cricket in this noise."

"Yes, it's true," came the reply. "It depends on what is really important to you. Here, let me show you."

He reached into his pocket, pulled out a few coins, and discreetly dropped them on the sidewalk. And then, with the noise of the crowded street still blaring in their ears, they noticed every head within twenty feet turn and look to see if the money that tinkled on the pavement was theirs.

"See what I mean?" asked the Native American. "It all depends on what's important to you."

================================

INDIANS OUTSMART THE ARKIE, Again.

Two Indians and an Arkansas Hillbilly were walking in the woods, all of a sudden one of the Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave. "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" he called into the cave and then he
listened very closely until he heard an answering, "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" He tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.

The Arkie was puzzled and asked the other Indian what that was all about, was the other Indian crazy or what?

"No," said the Indian. "It is our custom during mating season when Indian men see cave, they holler 'Wooooo Wooooo! Wooooo!' into the opening. If they get an answer back, it means there is a girl in there waiting to mate."

Just then they saw another cave. The Indian ran up to the opening of the cave stopped, and hollered, "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" Immediately, there was an answering "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" from deep inside the cave. He tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.

The Arkie wandered around in the woods alone for a while, and then he came upon a great big cave. As he looked in amazement at the size of the huge opening, he was thinking, "Hoo, man! Look at the size of this cave! It is bigger than those the Indians found. There must be some really big, fine women in this cave!" He stood in front of the opening and hollered with all his might, " Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!"
He grinned and closed his eyes in anticipation, and then he heard the answering call,
"WOOOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOO!" With a gleam in his eyes and a smile on his face, He raced into the cave tearing off his clothes as he ran.

The following day, the headline of Newspaper read.....
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"NAKED ARKANSAS HILLBILLY RUN OVER BY FREIGHT TRAIN."

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Never trust little old Indian women:

A little old Indian woman went into Republic National Bank with a sack full of money. She plopped it onto the desk of the Bank president as she had wrangled her way into his office. He was an Indian man.

"Where did you get money like this?" he asked her.
"Well, you see." She answered him. "I make bets."
"Bets?" He wanted to know.
"Yes." She replied. "For instance, I'll bet you 25,000. you are not brown all over." "I bet that under your shorts you are white."
"The Indian president of the Bank told her, "Well, I will take that bet." "I am brown all over."
"Okay," the wily old lady agreed. "However, tomorrow when we close the bet, I want my attorney with me. He is Indian too.
"Okay! Okay." The president of the bank was agreeable. When he went home though he double checked to see if he was brown all over. After all 25,000. was at stake.
The next day when the little old Indian lady came in with her attorney, the president was ready for her.
The little old Indian woman told him. "I am not going to take your word for it." "I want to see if you are brown all over."
The president thought for a moment and decided since it was, after all, 25,000 he would, indeed, drop his pants to show the little old Indian woman he was brown all over, which he did. He looked over at the Indian attorney who was banging his head against the wall.
"Why is he doing that?" The president asked.
The little old Indian woman answered, "Because I bet him 165,000. that the President of the Republic National Bank would drop his pants for me.


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