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VooDoo penis
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Joined: 18 Jan 2002
Posts: 3063
Location: Radio Land

Post VooDoo penis Reply with quote
A businessman was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife
was a flirtatious sort with an extremely healthy sex drive, so he thought he
would buy her a little something to keep her occupied while he was gone.

He went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around.
He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his
wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter.

He explained his situation. The old man said, "Well, We have vibrating dildos,
with special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep
her occupied for weeks, except---" and he stopped.
"Except what?" the man asked.
"Nothing, nothing."
"C'mon, tell me! I need something!"

"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is The Voodoo
Penis".
"So what's up with this Voodoo Penis?" he asked.

The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out a very old wooden box,
carved with strange symbols and erotic images. He opened it, and there lay an
ordinary looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and said "Big damn deal. It
looks like every other dildo in this shop!"
The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet." He pointed to a
door and said "Voodoo Penis, the door."

The Voodoo Penis miraculously rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and
started pounding the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with the vibrations,
so much so that a crack began to form down the middle. Before the door split,
the old man said "Voodoo Penis, return to box!" The Voodoo Penis stopped,
levitated back to the box and lay there quiet once more.
"I'll take it!" said the businessman.

The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to
use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo Penis, my crotch".

After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny and remembered
the Voodoo Penis. She undressed, opened the box and said "Voodoo Penis, my
crotch!" The Voodoo Penis shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was
incredible, like nothing she had ever experienced before. After three
mind-shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she had had
enough. She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She
tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgotten to
tell her how to shut it off.

Worried, she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help... She put
her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive, quivering with every thrust
of the dildo. On the way, another incredibly intense orgasm made her swerve all
over the road. A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. He
asked for her license, and then asked how much she had had to drink.

Gasping and twitching, she explained, "I haven't had anything to drink,

Officer. You see, I've got this Voodoo Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it
won't stop screwing me!"
The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and in an arrogant voice
replied, "Yeah, right... Voodoo Penis, my ass."

The rest is history!!!

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Marko - PCS Electronics
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Tue Sep 07, 2004 1:30 pm View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
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Post Reply with quote
One Sunday, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH.

He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Shame on you

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five little old Indian ladies - two in the front seat and three in the back - wide eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! I always go exactly the speed limit. What seems to be the problem?"

"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."

"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly! Twenty-two miles an hour!" the old Indian woman says a bit proudly.

The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit.

A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.

"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask . . . Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks with concern. Pray

"Oh, they'll be all right, officer. We just got off Route 119."


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Sat Sep 18, 2004 7:45 am View user's profile Send private message
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